I have no idea what the problem is, but I am sooo tired!! I'm sure it has something to do with AF being due this week, ugh. The f'ing witch was here last Halloween! She manages to screw up every single holiday! Ok, rant over. But seriously, I am beyond tired. I could have slept all day today. Instead I was just vegging in the chair in the living room, playing on the laptop, playing Guitar Hero, and re-reading Twilight. No, I wasn't doing all of those at the same time, but I did alternate them.
I can't believe tomorrow is Monday. Where did my weekend go? Now, I love my job. Absolutely love it. But I can't wait for a long weekend, or at least a weekend where I don't have to do any serious cleaning or anything but be a bum.
On the baby making issue, we still aren't officially trying. And honestly, it really is nice not trying. I'm going to give it a little more time of not trying, and then I guess I'll get back on top of things. But not checking my FF chart all the time, and staring at calendars, and over-analyzing every tiny thing my body does, or does differently, is VERY nice. I guess this is how TTC is for couples without issues. Wow, must be nice ;)
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
3 Years Today <3
Today I have been married to the most wonderful husband for 3 years <3 In some ways it seems like no time at all, and in other ways it seems as if we have been together for many, many years. Things haven't always been easy, but completely worth it.
Friday, October 9, 2009
God is Wonderful!!!
Things haven't been good lately. First, the disappearing +, then our landlord was threatening to evict us if we didn't get completely caught up on the rent, I found out that we couldn't afford family coverage at David's work. It's been one thing after another. So, needless to say, I've been on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I've been so scared, and asking God to either help me, or please take me off this planet, because I didn't want to do this anymore if this is what my life was meant to be.
He showed up and helped out in a BIG way. No, I didn't win the lottery, lol. David talked to his boss, and his boss was going to help us out by giving us a fairly large sum of money. Complete and total blessing. When David went to the bank to cash his paycheck and the other check, the teller gave him too much money. $300 too much. He told the teller it was the wrong amount, but she kept insisting it was right, so what could do but accept the money? :o $300 is a huge amount of money! And the blessings continued! David has a friend at work whose wife works at a church daycare & told me to go by there, they might be looking for someone. I went yesterday, but the lady had to leave, because her kids and hubby have the flu. So, I filled out the application and went back today. When I got there, she went ahead and interviewed me & gave me the job on the spot!!! God is great!!
He showed up and helped out in a BIG way. No, I didn't win the lottery, lol. David talked to his boss, and his boss was going to help us out by giving us a fairly large sum of money. Complete and total blessing. When David went to the bank to cash his paycheck and the other check, the teller gave him too much money. $300 too much. He told the teller it was the wrong amount, but she kept insisting it was right, so what could do but accept the money? :o $300 is a huge amount of money! And the blessings continued! David has a friend at work whose wife works at a church daycare & told me to go by there, they might be looking for someone. I went yesterday, but the lady had to leave, because her kids and hubby have the flu. So, I filled out the application and went back today. When I got there, she went ahead and interviewed me & gave me the job on the spot!!! God is great!!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
My First Blog Award :)
Wow, thanks Tas!
Rules
1. You Can Only Use One Word
2. Pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers
3. Alert them that you have given them this award
4. Have Fun!
The Fun Part
1. Where is your cell phone? purse
2. Your hair? messy
3. Your mother? tough
4. Your father? dead
5. Your favorite food? Japanese
6. Your dream last night? odd
7. Your favorite drink? Sunkist
8. Your dream/goal? happiness
9. What room are you in? living
10. Your hobby? reading
11. Your fear? failure
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? stable
13. Where were you last night? home
14. Something that you aren’t? Pregnant
15. Muffins? sure
16. Wish list item? job
17. Where did you grow up? AL
18. Last thing you did? church
19. What are you wearing? clothes
20. Your TV? On
21. Your pets? Loveable
22. Friends? clueles
23. Your life? crappy
24. Your mood? crappy
25. Missing someone? sanity
26. Vehicle? xB
27. Something you’re not wearing? socks
28. Your favorite store? Target
29. Your favorite color? green
30. When was the last time you laughed? Tuesday
31. Last time you cried? minutes
32. Your best friend? David
33. One place that I go to over and over? Target
34. One person who emails me regularly? Mom
35. Favorite place to eat? Hokkaido
Recipients (in no particular order!): (Sorry, I don't have 6 blogs)
4. Ramblings
Monday, October 5, 2009
I'm sure most people would say I'm crazy...
...but, I really think that light + was indeed that, an actual +. Why do I feel this way? Well, besides my mind telling me, my body had something to say about it as well. I was fine on Friday. Went out to dinner for the hubs b'day, & then to Target to pick up a couple things. No cramps, no AF. Get home, & with no warning, cramps hit with a vengence & AF let open the flood gates. TMI, sorry. But I don't have cramps on the first day normally, and when I do get cramps, I know they are coming, because they start off light & then get progressively worse. Same with AF. I'll have a day or 2 of good spotting & then she completely shows. This was completely different. I was fine one minute, the next minute I was doubled over & (again TMI) having to change my clothes & clean myself up. And that lasted Fri evening & all day Saturday. So, I honestly think that we had an early loss. Our insurance should be effective any time now, so as soon as I know it is, I'm going to make a dr. appointment to see if we can figure out what is going on, and hopefully get the ball rolling again.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Talk about a freaking emotional rollercoaster!
So, good old AF should be here today or tomorrow. We have stopped trying. It was too hard having TTC take up your entire life. So, I've been on the path to acceptance that we may never have children. So, I've been feeling very exhausted and nauseated lately. So I decided to POAS. Well, since I'm not obsessing, I didn't have any in the house :o So, yeah, had to do the nasty thing and pee in a cup yesterday morning and save the pee until I could go to store. Now, since David's birthday is Friday, I was going to Target anyways to get his present. Being short on cash, I just got 1 Target brand test. Come home, dip, probably wait about 1 minute, think I see something, then decide that I'm freaking crazy & just want a line to be there so bad, that I'm seeing lines. Thus the throwing of the stick on the counter & walking away. The rountine of every girl who is fed up with TTC. Imagine my surprise when I walk back in, pick if up, again every hardcore TTC has done this, and see a line! Am I seeing things? No, the line is there! Or, is it? So, freaking out, I try to get a pic, but I have a crappy camera. So, I end up getting an ok pic with my cell & sending it to a couple of folks, asking their opinion. Yes, they all see the line. But then the enivitable question: evap or not? So, on the way to church last night, I got by Dollar Tree & get a couple. Yes, I know its stupid to even THINK of peeing on a stick of any type at 6pm, but if you're reading this, you probably know the obsession. I got to church before anyone else, and yes, peed on a stick at church. Imagine that, its a bfn. So, I rationalize that since I had peed numerous times, and had just went about an hour before, and could only squeeze out about an ounce, there might not be enough hormone in my body.
So, church starts. And to let you know, there is a girl at church who is very pregnant. She is the song leader at our church. We sing & start praying, & I tell God that if that positive test isn't accurate, thank you for letting me believe that I was pregnant for a few hours. Immediately after that thought, L says "I have a feeling that someone here needs something. God told me that your answer is coming soon." So, I just dissolve into sobbing tears. Afterwards, I ask L if she could come back with me to the Sunday School room. And I show her the test (yes, I had it with me). And she is like 'oh my gosh' and starts hugging me. So I explain to her how scared I am that its just a false test (she isn't down with TTC lingo, so I didn't use the word evap) and that I know that the freaking blue dye tests are renowned to be horrid. But she told me hers looked exactly the same with her first child. L then asks if I had told David yet. He wasn't at church because he had to work late. I told her I hadn't, and she told me to tell him when I got home. So, I'm standing there, sobbing my heart out, hoping that it actually was true. Beginning to believe that finally, I was going to be a mommy.
I get home & tell David I have something for him. I show him the test, and he says, 'what is that?' and I ask him what it looks like, and he says 'a plus'. And then he looks at me and asks 'Is that yours?'. (no dear, I carry around other folks pissy sticks, lol) 'Yes, its mine'. 'Oh my gosh', he says. And the look on his face was pure joy and amazement. So, I related the convo at church and how that the test could be inaccurate. So, he tells me not to think like that, to take another one in the a.m.
I wake up around 630am and test. BFN. I head back to bed, devastated, and curl up against David & let the tears flow freely. The alarm goes off at 645, & he realizes something is wrong, so then I have to tell him what the newest test says. My wonderful husband tells me 'well, I say right now is 50/50. One said yes, one said no. Don't worry right now, we'll get a digital or whatever your want and try again in the morning.' (he doesn't count the one at church since it was so diluted)
Can anyone tell me what the hell I'm supposed to feel or think? If you can tell me, please do so, because I am at a loss.
So, church starts. And to let you know, there is a girl at church who is very pregnant. She is the song leader at our church. We sing & start praying, & I tell God that if that positive test isn't accurate, thank you for letting me believe that I was pregnant for a few hours. Immediately after that thought, L says "I have a feeling that someone here needs something. God told me that your answer is coming soon." So, I just dissolve into sobbing tears. Afterwards, I ask L if she could come back with me to the Sunday School room. And I show her the test (yes, I had it with me). And she is like 'oh my gosh' and starts hugging me. So I explain to her how scared I am that its just a false test (she isn't down with TTC lingo, so I didn't use the word evap) and that I know that the freaking blue dye tests are renowned to be horrid. But she told me hers looked exactly the same with her first child. L then asks if I had told David yet. He wasn't at church because he had to work late. I told her I hadn't, and she told me to tell him when I got home. So, I'm standing there, sobbing my heart out, hoping that it actually was true. Beginning to believe that finally, I was going to be a mommy.
I get home & tell David I have something for him. I show him the test, and he says, 'what is that?' and I ask him what it looks like, and he says 'a plus'. And then he looks at me and asks 'Is that yours?'. (no dear, I carry around other folks pissy sticks, lol) 'Yes, its mine'. 'Oh my gosh', he says. And the look on his face was pure joy and amazement. So, I related the convo at church and how that the test could be inaccurate. So, he tells me not to think like that, to take another one in the a.m.
I wake up around 630am and test. BFN. I head back to bed, devastated, and curl up against David & let the tears flow freely. The alarm goes off at 645, & he realizes something is wrong, so then I have to tell him what the newest test says. My wonderful husband tells me 'well, I say right now is 50/50. One said yes, one said no. Don't worry right now, we'll get a digital or whatever your want and try again in the morning.' (he doesn't count the one at church since it was so diluted)
Can anyone tell me what the hell I'm supposed to feel or think? If you can tell me, please do so, because I am at a loss.
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