Ok, here we go again. The start of another cycle that will hopefully lead to getting preggo :) I'm not stressed at all at the moment. I don't know if its because I haven't had time to stress yet, or maybe because I have FINALLY come to the realization that I will get pregnant, but it just might not be when I want to. Duh, that would have been 2 years ago, lol.
So, this cycle we are going to be using Pre-seed, temping, OPKs, and timed BD'ing. I should be ovulating in a week from now, so I guess we will see how it goes!
Right now, I am just enjoying spending the days with my wonderful hubby, and I am content with spending my evenings entertaining myself while he is at work. I realize that I am very thankful for the past 2 1/2 years. We've gotten to know each other on a deep emotional level, which if we would have had children immediately, might not have been as easy.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Things Are Better Now
Ok, at first I was nervous about going to church last night. Things were definitely weird at first, but after church we had a serious, and long, heart to heart about everything. We all apologized, figured out what was causing the issues, and have accepted each other's apology. And, we are better friends because of it. The only loose end that I need to tie up is telling the person who betrayed my confidence that they offended me and I would like an apology, along with the reason why they felt the need to tell someone something when I specifically asked them not to, and they agreed.
I've got a new outlook today. I'm going to quit stressing in general and just enjoy my life the way that it is for now. I can't make things happen that I have no control over. And if I have no control over a situation, why stress about it? Give it to God and let go. Not always easy, but definitely becoming necessary. I may not always like the way things go, but instead of bitching, I'm relenting. It's God's story, and I have to learn to let Him write it.
I've got a new outlook today. I'm going to quit stressing in general and just enjoy my life the way that it is for now. I can't make things happen that I have no control over. And if I have no control over a situation, why stress about it? Give it to God and let go. Not always easy, but definitely becoming necessary. I may not always like the way things go, but instead of bitching, I'm relenting. It's God's story, and I have to learn to let Him write it.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Ok, I'm Crazy & MIA
According to some seriously nosy, and wrong, folks at church, I am crazy and MIA. LOL!!!
Here's how it went down: Another person from church posted on FB and asked if I was ok, sent wall message back and told her yes, just needed to get away to do some thinking. She messaged me and asked what really was wrong, and I told her someone hurt/offended me, but wouldn't tell her. (I wouldn't tell her, cause last time I confided in her, she went straight to that person and blabbed.) But I told her not to say anything, that I just didn't feel included at church anymore. Well she said that she felt that David didn't want to be there on Sunday morning to play the drums. But I told her he was just upset we didn't practice anymore, and it embarrassed/bothered him when he messed up. And then she came out of nowhere and told me I had 'a lil too much time on my hands and maybe I needed to get a hobby' WTF? What does that have to do with anything??
Well, less than 5 minutes later, the preggo signed on to FB and put "...a little concerned you didn't reply to my last post. Why'd you skip town?" Can we make it any obvious that Mrs. Nosy called Mrs. Preggo?? LOL And I sent her one back saying I was fine, just needed to clear my head. Not 2 minutes later, while I was talking to David, Preggo Hubby called David on his cell! OBVIOUS!! David called him back, and he asked David "do you know where Brandi is?" "Is she OK?" LOL LOL LOL!!
So, obviously I'm crazy and I've went MIA and left my wonderful hubby!!
Here's how it went down: Another person from church posted on FB and asked if I was ok, sent wall message back and told her yes, just needed to get away to do some thinking. She messaged me and asked what really was wrong, and I told her someone hurt/offended me, but wouldn't tell her. (I wouldn't tell her, cause last time I confided in her, she went straight to that person and blabbed.) But I told her not to say anything, that I just didn't feel included at church anymore. Well she said that she felt that David didn't want to be there on Sunday morning to play the drums. But I told her he was just upset we didn't practice anymore, and it embarrassed/bothered him when he messed up. And then she came out of nowhere and told me I had 'a lil too much time on my hands and maybe I needed to get a hobby' WTF? What does that have to do with anything??
Well, less than 5 minutes later, the preggo signed on to FB and put "...a little concerned you didn't reply to my last post. Why'd you skip town?" Can we make it any obvious that Mrs. Nosy called Mrs. Preggo?? LOL And I sent her one back saying I was fine, just needed to clear my head. Not 2 minutes later, while I was talking to David, Preggo Hubby called David on his cell! OBVIOUS!! David called him back, and he asked David "do you know where Brandi is?" "Is she OK?" LOL LOL LOL!!
So, obviously I'm crazy and I've went MIA and left my wonderful hubby!!
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Playing With My Ass ;)
Had fun hanging out with the familly today. We harrassed one of the poor donkeys. Well, we had to take advantage of him since he was sedated :) This is proof of what happens when donkeys go bad, hee hee.
Friday, April 17, 2009
If You Can't Resist the Temptation...
Remove yourself from it! So, instead of confronting the 'friend' I decided to run away to ATL to hang with my Mom, Aunt, and cousins. It beats sitting at home thinking of different ways of revenge, hee hee. So, I am doing the grown up thing, and not doing anything!
I plan on spending a very relaxing weekend playing with all the animals and not stressing over anything, except making sure I don't step in horse crap :)
I plan on spending a very relaxing weekend playing with all the animals and not stressing over anything, except making sure I don't step in horse crap :)
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Clueless or Mean?
UGH!! My 'friend' who dropped the preggo bomb on me last night in church just became a member of facebook, and she saw my status that said "still can't believe a friend could be so insensitive". Well, she decided to comment, and here is what she had to say: "Hey girl! Just got through with some work and thought I'd check out facebook for the first time ever. This is cool. A little slow with dial-up but ok. Who's been treatin' ya bad?" WTF???!!!! Hellooooooo?? Are you that freaking clueless, or just playing stupid? You be the judge.
Insensitive
You'd think someone who was your 'friend' would be sensitive to your struggles, and would not want to cause you any additional stress or heartache. You'd think that, but....you'd be wrong. How can someone, in public, drop a bombshell on you, knowing its going to break your heart into pieces?
Picture this: You are in church, getting ready for prayer requests and prayer. All of a sudden, a really good friend of yours says 'please pray for our son, he is going to be a big brother'. And you look at his wife, who knows all about your fertility struggles, and was one of the only ones you told about a chemical pregnancy. You look at her, and your heart is hurting, because she could have told you in private so that everyone isn't about to witness your emotional breakdown. You look for an apologetic look, that means "opps I should have told you seperate". Instead she laughs and says, "Pray for me too, cause I might throw up on any of you at any time". WTF??!! So, I hold it together long enough for prayers to start, and then I lose it, and bawl my eyes out. Did she come to me afterwards, when it was obvious I was distraught? Nope. Did she even speak to me? Nope. I didn't even get the normally hug, love you, bye, that I normally get. She avoided me completely. Some friend.
Oh yeah, and to add insult to injury, I started cramping this morning. Figures.
Picture this: You are in church, getting ready for prayer requests and prayer. All of a sudden, a really good friend of yours says 'please pray for our son, he is going to be a big brother'. And you look at his wife, who knows all about your fertility struggles, and was one of the only ones you told about a chemical pregnancy. You look at her, and your heart is hurting, because she could have told you in private so that everyone isn't about to witness your emotional breakdown. You look for an apologetic look, that means "opps I should have told you seperate". Instead she laughs and says, "Pray for me too, cause I might throw up on any of you at any time". WTF??!! So, I hold it together long enough for prayers to start, and then I lose it, and bawl my eyes out. Did she come to me afterwards, when it was obvious I was distraught? Nope. Did she even speak to me? Nope. I didn't even get the normally hug, love you, bye, that I normally get. She avoided me completely. Some friend.
Oh yeah, and to add insult to injury, I started cramping this morning. Figures.
To Bring You Up-To-Date
I'm Brandi, and I am 31 years old. I've been married to my wonderful husband David, who is 32, since Oct. 21, 2006. Since that time we have been trying to conceive our first child.
After a year with no baby, we began infertility treatments. It was discovered that David had a low sperm count due to a varicocele. A varicocele is a varicose veing in the scrotum that causes increased heat, therefored reducing count. In June of '08 David underwent surgery to repair the varicocele. We were supposed to go back in 3-4 months for a repeat semen analysis to see how the surgery worked. But, I lost my teaching position, therefore our insurance went down the tubes.
Fastforward to right before Christmas of '08. I decide to pee on a stick. Oh my Lord, do I see a second line??? David sees it, but its as light as can be, but still there. So I decide to wait until like Christmas Eve to test again, thinking that the line is going to be super dark. Well, that wasn't the case. The line had disappeared all together, and 2 days later, AF arrives. For a brief moment I experience the esctatic joy of being pregnant. But it was obviously a chemical pregnancy and not meant to be.
Fastforward again to today, where we are still waiting, with no baby. David started working with the poilce department, and hopefully our insurance will start in about 2 months, and we can go from there.
After a year with no baby, we began infertility treatments. It was discovered that David had a low sperm count due to a varicocele. A varicocele is a varicose veing in the scrotum that causes increased heat, therefored reducing count. In June of '08 David underwent surgery to repair the varicocele. We were supposed to go back in 3-4 months for a repeat semen analysis to see how the surgery worked. But, I lost my teaching position, therefore our insurance went down the tubes.
Fastforward to right before Christmas of '08. I decide to pee on a stick. Oh my Lord, do I see a second line??? David sees it, but its as light as can be, but still there. So I decide to wait until like Christmas Eve to test again, thinking that the line is going to be super dark. Well, that wasn't the case. The line had disappeared all together, and 2 days later, AF arrives. For a brief moment I experience the esctatic joy of being pregnant. But it was obviously a chemical pregnancy and not meant to be.
Fastforward again to today, where we are still waiting, with no baby. David started working with the poilce department, and hopefully our insurance will start in about 2 months, and we can go from there.
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