Here We Go Again...

I should be o'ing any time now. I haven't gotten any ewcm yet, and my temping has been a little shoddy since we went to Mother's house. But, I know that I should be getting ready to O, so the BD'ing has commenced ;)

The plan for this month is timed BD'ing, Preseed, temping, and prayer. I ordered some maca the other night, so that should be coming in this coming week. I hope that it works as well, or better, for me as it has for others. I guess we will have to wait and see!

Mutiny!

My body is obviously pissed off at me. AF came around. But was she normal? Nope, she was uber light, which is definitely unusual. She also didn't bring with her agonizing and debilitating cramps. Again, unusual. Not that I'm not grateful for a light AF and no cramps, but its just weird. Well, add that to the fact that my boobs are still a little sore, I have been sooooooo exhausted, and I am nauseated as can be. At this moment I want to puke my guts out. Just to put my mind, and the mind of others, at ease, I POAS and got a bfn, like I knew I would. So, I know I'm not pregnant, and I have determined by body had declared mutiny.

Who Was Right?

Was it everyone who said that they thought I was pregnant? Or was it me, who pretty much knew that I wasn't? I was right. Of course. AF reared her ugly head right on time yesterday. Surprisingly, I'm not upset. I didn't cry, didn't get angry and pitch a fit, and didn't question why. This peaceful acceptance is kinda weird.

I'm Pretty Sure...

...that this cycle is a complete freaking bust! Ugh! To have such a beautiful chart, promising symptoms, all for NOTHING!! Part of me is so angry. It seems like everytime I turn around, someone else I know is pregnant, and its really starting to piss me off. No, I take that back, I've been pretty pissed off about it for about the past year or so. Ok, I'm calming down now, getting back some rational thoughts. I know my time will come. It's just that being the pesky emotional human I am rears its ugly head sometimes.

Not Feeling It

Well, my temps went right back up after that massive drop. I put in the same temp for tomorrow that I had today, and it gave me 'possibly triphasic'. I should be getting seriously excited about it, and in a way I am. But...I'm just not feeling it. Part of it was the stark white bfn I got this morning. Yes, I know 10dpo is still super early. But I'm super crampy, yeah I know it could be a pg sign too. And, I just don't feel pregnant. I just don't feel it. That may sound stupid, but I have it in my head that when I am truly pregnant, I will know. Plus, based on over 2 1/2 years of big fat negatives, what is the need to get my hope up? I know it will happen when God wants it to happen, but I guess I'm just not on the same time zone as He is.

That stinking bfn this morning was made even harder by the fact that I had the most wonderful dream last night. I dreamt that I peed on a stick, a Dollar Tree one to be exact, and it almost immediately came up positive. In my dream I remmeber freaking out and looking at it several times to make sure I wasn't seeing things. Then I just started crying and was sooo happy! Then I wake up, test, and realize, yes, it was just a dream. The seemingly unattainable dream, that just seems barely out of my reach.

Hmmmm......

Alrighty, my body has decided to do something new. Massive temp drop this am at 8dpo. Below the coverline. Implantation dip?



http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/brandiwine77



Check out my charts. Never happened like this before. Guess I'll have to wait and see, ugh!

Distraction During the 2WW

Sometimes the 2ww is so, well, nerve-wracking, that it drives you absolutely insane! But luckily this time I've had a little bit of distraction. We left Friday morning to go to Mobile to visit David's Mom and Nanny & Papaw. We haven't been down there in about a year, so it was past time. On Saturday evening we went down to Gulf Shores to hang out for a little while. After getting a few pics, we went shopping, and then to eat at Lambert's. Yummy throwed rolls ;) Here is a couple of pics from the trip.





Beautiful white sands :)

Going across the Bay

O Has Been Confirmed!!

Woo Hoo!!! Massive temp drop on Monday, followed by a huge temp rise this morning! Yeah! Now I get to experience, yet again, the craziness of another two week wait. Fun Fun!!!! *Insert serious sarcasm here!* But seriously, I'm seriously not going to stress about this one. If it happens, excellent, Praise God! But if it doesn't happen this month, I'm going to be ok, because I know it is going to happen for us. And that is saying a lot since its been over 2 1/2 years.

I know I am in a better place mentally right now, more so than before. I know this because I looked at the HPT from my suspected chemical pregnancy in December. I looked at the test, saw the 2 lines there, and I didn't cry. I've had the test hidden for a couple months now so that I wouldn't stare at it every day. I'm thinking that when it comes to the due date for that pregnancy, I may do something special with that test. I'm not exactly sure what I'll do with it at the moment, so I guess I'll have to think of something.

Any Day Now!

Holy EWCM!! Woo Hoo! This means I should be O'ing in the next day or so! Yeah!!!! Glad I'm O'ing a little later than I normally do since David got sun poisoning, eek! Was scared that we might be out this cycle before we ever got started.

I knew I would be O'ing soon, so last night I kept thinking that we needed to get some bd'ing in. But with David's legs hurting him so badly, bd'ing wasn't possible. So, we tried another method. We did an at home AI. Definitely not romantic, but essentially, it gets the job done, if you know what I mean. Guess I'll just be watching and waiting for a temp rise!