Wow, it has been a while!

I haven't posted in a while, because other than a couple of life crisis situations, there has been no developments in the quest to get knocked up. I did NOT test at all last month! The first time in over 2 1/2 years I haven't peed on a stick! :o And this month, not charting, not going to JM, pretty much nothing! I'm sick and tired of actively trying and getting absolutely nowhere, except for another crack in my heart, and a lighter wallet from TTC supplies. So, I am going to try something new. I am not going to worry about getting pregnant, and all the crap that goes with it, and I am just going to molest my husband because I want to! And not because I have to either! I will never totally give up hope, but I'm just not expecting to get pregnant anymore.

Sometimes I Just Feel...

so completely alone. I have David, and he loves me dearly. And I have some really great friends. But sometimes, its like no one has time for me. I feel like I get lost in the shuffle. Stupid things seem to bother me. For example, people 'forget' to invite us to b'day parties at church. Even the kids' bdays. And I know they forget about us because we don't have kids. I just feel so out of touch with most people. We can't always relate to the same things. And I just feel that while they are living their lives, they forget about one of their 'best' friends. Yes friends, I love spending time at your house or where ever with your children. I love having them call me 'Aunt Brandi', and draw me pictures, and give me wonderful hugs and kisses. But sometimes I need adult time with just you. I need to feel like a friend of yours again, without being innocently reminded of the lack of children in my life. I need US to hang out and chat about US, or reminisce about US. It's like I don't have an identity anymore since I'm not "Mommy". Sometimes I want to have conversations that don't revolve around what Hot Wheel you got today, or the latest Dora episode. Sometimes I want to have conversations where I don't have to monitor my speech, and I can say all the hells, shits, damns, fucks, bitches, and any other obscenity or 'no-no' word that I feel the need to say! If I want to discuss the hottest night of sex I've had the past week, I don't want to have to use code words. If I want to explain to them why I am so pissed at my sister-in-law for being a whore and being pregnant with #4 at the age of 25, I don't want to have to candy coat the truth. Fuck! Can I just please be remembered as a 31 year old friend, and be treated like one??!!! Is that too damn much to ask?!