I am here. There isn't much to talk about right now. I am not preggo, not focused on being preggo either. Which is a huge relief. When I finally came to the realization that I may never get pregnant, I was doing a lot of personal reflection. I realized that if I never get pregnant, and that it is David and I for the rest of our lives, I am good with that. Being without children has its advantages. I don't have to plan for baby sitters. If we want to do something, we make sure the animals have food and water, set the alarm, lock the door, lock the gate, and go. No worrying about nap schedules, feeding schedules, etc. Would I mind doing all that? No, of course not, but its great not having to do it. I love my husband. He is my best friend. If we never extend our family, other than furbabies, we will still have a great marriage and he will still be my best friend. Is the longing for a baby gone? No, that didn't magically disappear. It's just not so prominent in my life anymore. It doesn't occupy most of my waking thoughts anymore. Honestly, the only time I think about it anymore is when one of my friends mentions pregnancy related stuff, someone asks when we are having kids, or AF is about to hit, and I have a brief 'hmm, am I?' moment.
This release has been fantastic. To not be so obsessed with pregnancy, getting pregnant, and all that crap is a great feeling. Only someone who has dealt with infertility can understand what I am talking about. Even some people who are dealing with infertility don't understand, because they haven't come to the acceptance point in their lives. It could be they haven't tried for almost 4 years, aren't in their early 30's, and are able to do medical assistance. I thank God for granting me the peace to know that no matter what my mind occasionally tries to tell me, I am not a failure, I won't die if I never get pregnant, and my life with my husband will be fulfilling, enjoyable, and rewarding.
No comments:
Post a Comment