Please God, grant me strength

Strength to weather the storm that is upon me. Strength to ignore the negative. Strength to look at my shortcomings and see where I can improve. Strength to just trust and go about my business. Strength and determination to keep with my lifestyle change.

Father God, I am tired. I'm tired of feeling attacked. I'm tired of feeling like I have to look over my shoulder continuously for the next attack. Tired of that feeling of 'what next?'. I can't do this anymore by myself. I've tried to be strong. But my supply of strength is gone. God, you'll have to handle this for me. I'm giving it over to you, and I am going to try my hardest to actually and fully give it over to you and let it go. I have a hard time doing that Lord, I know that. But you are a mighty God, and You can handle it. So Lord, here goes. I'm giving you my worries. My worries about my relationship with David. My worries about housing. My worries about the furbabies. My worries about children. My worries about my job. My worries about gossip mongers and hateful people. I'm giving it all to you Lord. It is too much for me.

And Satan, I command you to leave me alone in the Name of Jesus! Satan, you are not welcome around me, and I command you in the Name of Jesus to stop your attack on me and my family and to leave!

In Jesus' Holy Name. Amen.

Determined to be trusting and faithful

God, there is so many obstacles that I am facing right now, that I can't take anymore. It's up to you God to handle them for me, because I am out. I give up and give them over to you. Satan has busted out the big guns and David and I are under so much attack, that all I can do is bunker down. So, its up to you God. I'm determined to be positive through it all, and know and trust that you are my God and my Savior and that you WILL lead me through this. If these last 2-3 months is a test of my strength for something you are going to do, then it must be huge!

I'm beginning to see who my real friends are, who are the hidden vipers in the grass, who I need to be more like, and who I need to surround myself with. From now on I am going to guard my thoughts and not share them with certain 'friends' and only share them with people who know You. God I ask that you show me a way, or provide a solution to the furbaby problem. A solution that I can be ok with, and that is beneficial to them. I can handle my problems (cause I gave them to you) as long as I know they are ok. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

Hello long lost friend!!!!! I've missed you so!!

Happened to be standing in front of a full length mirror, wearing shorts as was about to hit the gym, and looked down in the mirror and saw, now get this, I actually saw calf definition!!! :o That wonderful line along the side of your calf that screams "hey look at me, I work a living!" was looking back at me! I had to immediately show the hubs. I was like "Look, I have muscle definition, do you see it?" and was so glad that I wasn't imagining it! He even said to me, "Poo, I know that you say you can't see a whole lot of difference, but I definitely notice it in your lower body." Yeah!!

Hello, my name is Door Mat

My name is Door Mat. My purpose on this planet is for you to use me at your will. Whether that be doing your job, listening to you rant continuously about stuff I can't control, or even care about. I'm also available for you to vent on me. This may include speaking to me like a dog, giving me severe attitude, and cursing at me. My feelings are never included in the process, and will not be considered, so please feel free to use me however you need. Door Mat at your service.

Check Your Attitude At The Door Please!

I am so sick and freaking tired of negative, crapified attitudes from people. I don't care that you are under stress, aggravated, pissed off, whatever you want to call it. You do not have the right to speak to me in any manner that you want to. I am a human being and I deserve to be treated like one, and not talked to like I am lower than a dog. A dog deserves better respect! I keep biting my tongue and just trying to let it go, but its going to happen that I am going to freaking explode! And I really like my job, so I am trying not to explode. I have to keep from saying 'you need to calm the f*** down before I make you!'. Being a turd isn't going to help your situation one single bit, and in fact, its going to make it worse, because everyone around you is going to be absolutely miserable, and we know how misery loves company. But I'm sick of Misery and her catty sister Bitchy and I am about to boot them out and give them a no trespass order! Ok, rant over.

On a more light and positive note, I am wearing a pair of khakis that I couldn't get into this summer. Yeah!!!! I still don't know how much weight I've lost due to scalephobia, but its nice knowing I can sit down in these pants and not have my circulation cut off, lol. Another nice note, my hubby sent me half a dozen red roses yesterday and took me to get a mani :) It's nice to have something like that done after all the hell he has put me through lately. (Still can't talk about it, but it won't be long before it shows up on here, because with God's grace, I am working through the hurt.)

Can't wait to head to the gym tonight! I didn't go last night because had church and got my nails done before.

Seriously?

Yesterday was a crazy day. Crazy at work, too tired to go to the gym between work and practice. Practice was fun, but tiring. You wouldn't think you'd get tired playing an instrument for 2 hours, but you do. Left practice and came around the corner and the whole parking lot at work was covered up with fire trucks. Let's just say someone on 13 needs to learn to cook, the elevators went down, and it was drama galore. So needless to say it was almost midnight before I hit the bed. Could barely get up this morning, and I am so sleepy, my eye hurts (only 1 contact in) and have a horrible headache because of the one contact. Add that to other folks at work are having rough days and are being a wee bit pissy, and I tend to get the brunt of pissy. And I even drank a Pepsi to try and get rid of my headache, but didn't help. Tried chugging a bottle of water thinking it was dehydration. So far the Pepsi, water, and 4 Tylenol haven't cut it. Things have to get better this afternoon or I am going to be a pissy gym goer.

If I've Said It Once....

I'm saying it again. Mr. G, you are undoubtedly the biggest pain in the ass I have ever encountered! I can't wait until I get you out of my life!!! Just the thought of you makes me literally nauseated!!

Sorry to keep complaining about my gallbladder, but when I can barely function through the stomach pains, nausea, indigestion, and diarrhea. I can't even give up soft drinks completely, because Sprite is the only thing that will settle my stomach. It's like being pregnant (I assume) but no benefits at the end!

Messed Up Week

Things just have not been routine this week. And if you know me at all, you know that drives me crazy!!! I haven't really been able to do a good cardio workout due to my different foot injuries. These nagging and painful injuries include a massive skin peel on the ball of my foot. I believe this was caused by wearing cheap socks while walking 3 miles on a treadmill. Then there is a horrible open blister on the back of my heal of the same foot. I think the reason why that foot is the pain in the butt is because it turns out some. Hoping good padded socks help. So, went to the gym last night for the first time in a couple of days, and tried the treadmill. Didn't make it long (15 min) because the blister on the heel felt like thousands of fire ants biting me. So, got off and did a few min on the arc trainer (still getting the hang of getting my fat butt moving on that one, lol), and then did a lot of weight machines. So, I got a workout, just not the kind I wanted and felt I needed. I am sooooooo missing my normal cardio workouts! Wait, did I just say that? The fat girl, who until recently would rather give up a body part than get on treadmill said she is missing cardio??? Wow. Progress :)