New Determination

The past few weeks have been pretty rough. There has been some fantastic blessings in these weeks, and there have been some tough trials. It's been physically and mentally draining. I haven't been exercising like I had been doing due to the moving and such. And I haven't been eating like I had been either. Crap started sneaking its way back into my diet. And now I think I have a sinus infection. Yeah. But I am determined to get my life back on track. I tracked my food and stayed under my calorie goal for yesterday. I will go to the gym today, even if it kills me. David wouldn't let me go yesterday since I had a fever. I kinda feel like I still have a fever, but I am determined to get some kind of workout in. I'm chugging water like a mad woman. So, doing pretty good. I am determined to be the person I want to be both physically and mentally. That is going to take a lot of hard work, some sacrifice, and lots of support. I miss the way I felt when I was going to the gym daily. Good grief, before working out, did I always feel this tired and sluggish? If so, no wonder I never wanted to get off my butt and do something! But Butt, I am here to tell you, you are about to get worked off!

I'm so over it

By it, I mean drama and people in general. So called friends stab you in the back, and throw you under the bus. Some even don't call you for an entire YEAR! And I'm over it. I will miss these people, and it saddens me, but I've come to the conclusion that sometimes it is just best to be free of people like that. It's hard not to feel lonely sometimes, but would I rather be lonely, or would I rather be caught up in the Drama Llama group? Hmm, is there a third option? Yes, I know I can make new friends. But it takes years to develop a friendship like those I am giving up. I've known some of these people for 18 years! Over half my life! There is history there. There is life, death, marriage and divorce tied up in those friendships. So, its like no matter which option I chose, I end up the loser. I'm a social person. I need girlfriends to confide it, and do things with, but my options either require me to go at it alone, or sacrifice sanity & deal with drama, and neither of those options is what I want.

Yes, I Know. It's Been 2+ Weeks.

But there are sooooo many reasons why it has been 2 weeks since I posted. One, things have been stupid at work. I love my job, but I have been trying to lay low, since it seems like I was getting blamed for everything that went wrong. Oh, let me go ahead and apologize for apologizing and also for the national debt. Two, we were living in a hotel/suite for 2 weeks. I'm grateful that we had somewhere to stay before we got the house, but let's just say that while it was clean and safe, it was tiny, and well, just not home. Third, I've been so tired lately for all the stated reasons, plus the fact that I've been eating horribly, due partly to the fact that crappy food is cheaper than good food. And the other reason I've been eating horrible, is that once I got off my routine, I guess my subconscious evil decided to have a free for all. Now, granted I don't think that I gained back a lot of weight, but it makes me feel like crap, I've started back on soda, and I miss the gym!!! And now add to the fact that I've pulled a muscle on the left side of my neck/shoulder/back. It hurts from my neck down to my shoulder blade, and even the back part of my rib cage. I'm freaking miserable. I can't hardly turn my neck or raise my shoulder or even turn. Ok, I'm through whining.

I'm so very grateful, thankful, and blessed to have moved into our house. It's an absolute blessing and gift from God. Here are a couple of pics from before we moved in.

Please God, grant me strength

Strength to weather the storm that is upon me. Strength to ignore the negative. Strength to look at my shortcomings and see where I can improve. Strength to just trust and go about my business. Strength and determination to keep with my lifestyle change.

Father God, I am tired. I'm tired of feeling attacked. I'm tired of feeling like I have to look over my shoulder continuously for the next attack. Tired of that feeling of 'what next?'. I can't do this anymore by myself. I've tried to be strong. But my supply of strength is gone. God, you'll have to handle this for me. I'm giving it over to you, and I am going to try my hardest to actually and fully give it over to you and let it go. I have a hard time doing that Lord, I know that. But you are a mighty God, and You can handle it. So Lord, here goes. I'm giving you my worries. My worries about my relationship with David. My worries about housing. My worries about the furbabies. My worries about children. My worries about my job. My worries about gossip mongers and hateful people. I'm giving it all to you Lord. It is too much for me.

And Satan, I command you to leave me alone in the Name of Jesus! Satan, you are not welcome around me, and I command you in the Name of Jesus to stop your attack on me and my family and to leave!

In Jesus' Holy Name. Amen.

Determined to be trusting and faithful

God, there is so many obstacles that I am facing right now, that I can't take anymore. It's up to you God to handle them for me, because I am out. I give up and give them over to you. Satan has busted out the big guns and David and I are under so much attack, that all I can do is bunker down. So, its up to you God. I'm determined to be positive through it all, and know and trust that you are my God and my Savior and that you WILL lead me through this. If these last 2-3 months is a test of my strength for something you are going to do, then it must be huge!

I'm beginning to see who my real friends are, who are the hidden vipers in the grass, who I need to be more like, and who I need to surround myself with. From now on I am going to guard my thoughts and not share them with certain 'friends' and only share them with people who know You. God I ask that you show me a way, or provide a solution to the furbaby problem. A solution that I can be ok with, and that is beneficial to them. I can handle my problems (cause I gave them to you) as long as I know they are ok. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

Hello long lost friend!!!!! I've missed you so!!

Happened to be standing in front of a full length mirror, wearing shorts as was about to hit the gym, and looked down in the mirror and saw, now get this, I actually saw calf definition!!! :o That wonderful line along the side of your calf that screams "hey look at me, I work a living!" was looking back at me! I had to immediately show the hubs. I was like "Look, I have muscle definition, do you see it?" and was so glad that I wasn't imagining it! He even said to me, "Poo, I know that you say you can't see a whole lot of difference, but I definitely notice it in your lower body." Yeah!!

Hello, my name is Door Mat

My name is Door Mat. My purpose on this planet is for you to use me at your will. Whether that be doing your job, listening to you rant continuously about stuff I can't control, or even care about. I'm also available for you to vent on me. This may include speaking to me like a dog, giving me severe attitude, and cursing at me. My feelings are never included in the process, and will not be considered, so please feel free to use me however you need. Door Mat at your service.